Oh where to start? Where to start?
- Republican Senator and champion of family values David Vitter had to admit how much he loves the strange when his name showed up on the DC madam phone records. After he was caught, Mr. Vitter manned-up and confessed this "very serious sin in my past" to his wife, his constituents, as well as the lord above. But it turns out that it was more than one sin. Not only was Vitter sinning with the fine ladies of Washington DC but he was also showing the ladies of the Louisiana night a good, clean, reverse cowgirl. Doh! The good news for Vitter's wife is that the Canal Street madam says that all of the girls that were with Vitter described him as kind. Good for him. Normally, I wouldn't care but since Vitter was one of the champions of the Clinton impeachment regarding Monica Lewinsky it seems kind of noteworthy. It turns out that Bob Barr, Henry Hyde & Newt Gingrich were also cheating on their wives. Good for them.
- In related news: GOP pundit and hater of 9/11 widows Jack Burkman has also showed up on the DC madam's phone records. No word on whether he blames them for his love of vagina.
- In related, related news: On the news of Sen. Vitter's hooker outing fellow Republican Sen. Jim DeMint said "I think all of us have to look at it and say, ‘We can be next. … This can be a very lonely and isolating place.’" That's sad. Or pitiful. I'm not sure which. I wonder if his wife and children get as lonely?
- In related, related, realted news: Republican Rep David Almond wants female employees to, and I quote, "Suck it baby! Suck it!" Not sure what he was talking about but sources say that he did have his penis out. Almond was the vice chairman of the House committee on children, youth and families. He has resigned.
- U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales tells Congress there were no violations of the Patriot Act after he received reports that there were violations of the Patriot Act.
- Bush continues to contradict the administrations own intelligence reports on the War on Terrorism, Al Qaeda and Iraq. All the while still insisting that the people in Iraq are the same ones that attacked us on Sept. 11. Rice says the new report is just a "work in progress." Think Progress has a fact check on the progress in Iraq.
- Homeland Security Chief Michael Chertoff has a "gut feeling" you should be scared this summer. Ron Paul has a gut feeling that someone may stage a terror attack.
- New York City Fire Fighters call bullshit on the urban legend of Rudy as 9/11 messiah.
- Jesus accidentally let a Hindu chaplain in on the Senate floor to deliver the morning invocation. Luckily, there were three talibangilist Christians there to point out how blasphemous it all was. In a press release, their reverend said that "This would never have been allowed by our Founding Fathers." So true if you don't consider Thomas Jefferson and John Adams as Founding Fathers. Here's a test for you. Read Jefferson's Virginia Statute for Religious Freedom and count how many times Jesus is mentioned. Then add that to the amount of times Christianity is mentioned. Ok, times it by 20 and what does it equal? You guessed it! Zero.
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